My recent trip to Hilo has reminded me how much I really, truly miss it. We have all heard the saying "There's no place like home." and there really isn't, but there's no place like home when home is Hawai'i.
I have been living on the mainland for a little over four years now. I lived in a small town in Washington for 3 and have been in Illinois for the last year. While living on the West Coast there I came into contact with a lot of Hawai'i transplants like me. It was easy to get "local food" and there was some kind of sense of community there.
Then I moved to the Midwest... and things are much different here. West Coast free spirit meet Midwestern conformity. I can't say I feel like I "belong." Going back home for two weeks just made that even more evident. In Hawai'i few people take a second glance even with the bright red hair and almost two full sleeves. If they do ask questions, they want to know "Who wen poke my tattoos." I know some people will say that if you have bold hair and lots of ink you are asking to be different, asking for the stares and wanting to set yourself apart.
I have no defense. This is just me. I am more than my outward appearance, but that is if you choose to see beyond. I am, of course, getting off track here. So... back to the subject at hand:
Since coming back from Hilo I am fighting every day to find a little bit of Aloha here in Chi Town. It's here, but it's few and far between. I live in Chicago. Two million people live in city limits. It's the third largest city in the United States (population wise). Everyone is in a rush, makes their own rules while driving and are only in it for themselves. Maybe not everyone, but a large percent of the population. The older I get the more I want to move back home.
It's ironic because I spent my whole life (as far back as I can remember) plotting ways to get out of Hilo. As a little girl I had my whole future planned on the mainland. I was going to go far away and do big things. I'm not sure where I got these ideas, but trips to the West Coast when I was little just reinforced my plans. I was going to move away and not look back.
At 18 my plans to go to the Pacific Northwest for college fell through. Instead I moved to O'ahu (an island forty-five minutes away by plane) and attended Chaminade University. I loved living in the "big city" of Honolulu so much that my plans for moving away got postponed. I was far enough from home, but not too far should I need to go back. I lived on O'ahu for six years and never really planned on leaving... until I fell in love with a Sailor.
I left O'ahu in 2006, following my heart to Bremerton, Washington. Leaving Hawai'i was a lot harder than I had imagined for myself as a little girl. We had Ayden later that year, then got married in early 2007. Having a family of my own now seemed to make home more important. I realized then it wasn't about moving far away and not looking back. If you don't know where you came from, you don't know where you are going. The reality of living several thousand miles away was much more difficult in practice than it was in theory.
A year ago, my family and I packed up and moved again, even farther away from home. At present time I live over FOUR THOUSAND miles from where I grew up. This wouldn't be such a big deal if my entire family didn't still live in Hawai'i. After being home for two weeks last month I really realize what I am missing out on by living so far away. My husband and I do everything on our own. From child care to running our own businesses. My kids are growing up without being around my siblings, parents, Grandparents, cousins, Aunties and Uncles, etc. This is hard for me because I grew up in Hawai'i with my entire family near by. I am aware this is not how everyone grows up, but it is something I would like for my kids.
I miss the sense of community and the spirit of Aloha that lives in Hawai'i. I felt it while I was home and miss it dearly now that I am not. I search everyday for a little bit of that here in Chicago. But it's hard because I constantly compare here to there and honestly, there is no comparison. It's hard because I don't really have any friends here either, just me and Wes. People prove time and time again that "friendship" is not worth it. So, it's just me and Wes against the world per usual.
I'm looking for a little bit of Aloha in Chicago. Does it exist?
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